Bloated

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. This year the turkey was made ala brine. A lovely recipe from Martha Stewart which called for bourbon, salt, and sugar created the most tender and tasty bird made to date. Yummy! Who knew Jim Beam could pull off something like that. Although the smell of it took me back to many a year in high school consuming Jack or the like in the backseat of a friends Chevy Nova which in turn led to barfing on my shoes and passing out on the bathroom floor. It's a good thing bourbon is no longer consumed. Anyway, there were lots of great Thanksgiving eats, lesbians singing folk songs, and one bear in training in attendance to equal the day out. The fridge is now holding leftovers which will more than likely be chucked by the end of the week. Cannot bear the thought of attempting to eat any more stuffing or green bean casserole.

Due to the inhalation of food last Thursday and the celebration of my womanhood (which is 7 days early due to the fact that there is a continual struggle to see who's cycle wins, mine or Miss B's) I am so bloated it's killing me. Feels as though my belly is as far out as it could possibly go. The paving of stretch marks with every breath. The belt had to be offset one from the usual notch. Why in the world is it that women bloat around their period? It feels as though I could currently be placed in the bay and sent off to float away to China the way my stomach has distended this time around. Perhaps a good food cleanse is in order. Anything to reduce the massive girth I now call my own.

Miss B has begun her "sugar cleanse". It's part of the South Beach diet but she's not following it to the T. In the sweetest way possible she did ask if I would like to join her in this venture seeing as it would make meal preparation easier. I don't think I have it in me. Being on any kind of "diet" reminds me of being a young fat kid and hearing my mom consistently say "Oh honey, do you really want to eat that peanut butter sandwich? Would be good for you to get to the doctor or nutritionist and get a special diet." To say the very least, I am diet adverse. I wish miss B the best of luck but will continue to have my chocolate when needed. Props to her for giving it a try!

Touch of Gray

There appears to be an inevitable phenomena occurring which shocks and intrigues me at the same time. More and more gray is turning up on this full head of hair daily. Early in the morning, squinting into the mirror, thinking "Oh my living lord, there is another one!". For some reason it doesn't seem possible that I am starting to have this happen. This is something which clearly happens to mom or dad but not possibly me. Old people go gray, not folks in their mid-thirties. Apparently my time has arrived with or without the willingness to do so.

I do recall the spotting of the very first one. It was January 8th, 1999. My 30th birthday. The same early morning routine of crawling to the bathroom looking in the mirror, brushing my teeth, and lo and behold, a gray hair. Immediately Debbie, my older sibling was rung up and I said "I found a gray hair! What do I do now?". She began giggling saying, "What are you worried about, I began going gray at age 25". Guess I didn't have much to complain about. Over the past 5 years a miscolored hair has been noticed here and there but now they seem to be appearing with brute force, taking over slowly but surely.

Not sure about attempting to try different colors or fend off the ultimate nature's color. Could just start coloring it hot pink and see what the reaction is there. Seems like way too much maintenance and it doesn't fit in with the non-girlie persona it appears has been developed over the years. Jet black? Bright blue? Perhaps the standard mom-in-her-mid-fifties color red. (At one point when living with Willis and Derek we noted that all three of our mom's had the exact same color hair.) Until I decide on this, it will be taking things one gray hair at a time.

I will get by...

Word Travels Quickly

A month or so ago a friend from high school was in town on business. We met up for dinner, rehashed some old times, discussed our parents, the things you do when catching up. In this conversation his step mother was discussed and the lack of communication between them due to difficulties surrounding the settlement of his deceased father. Not an all out war, just some peaks and valleys which are bound to happen when family is attempting to split up things equally and evenly. Eventually I spoke with my mom and she asked if he ever saw his step mom now that his father passed and I said not as frequently as there were some snags due to the pending settlement. All I can say now is that I should have known better and the rule of what you tell someone will eventually end up in the ears of their spouse applies to parents. Apparently my father, who is a gossip extraodinaire, discussed this one sentence with his massage therapist, who then told several of her customers about it, which in turn ended up with my mom being confronted about the entire issue on her way out of church today. Even living 3,000 miles away I can still manage to make a mess in one fal swoop. This is also reason # 1,249 as to why I live no where near them. To note, I have sent an email to my friend apologizing for this blunder and with any luck, he will forgive me. I'm still in awe that my father could have done something so stupid but then again, he never fails to amaze me with his lack of insight to understand the impact of his words and where they can end up.

The past few weeks I have been tuned into Air America, the liberal leftist talk show on the AM dial. Al Franken, Jeneane Garafolo, Randi Rhodes, among others talk about politics that you really don't hear about anywhere else. It is suspected that at some point during the next four years the Republicans will do what they can to get these folks off the air. The bastards seem to be censoring everything else, why not the AM airwaves? What is disappointing is that this station is in 38 cities and of those, the more liberal ones. I suppose it's good business and marketing to go to places where people will actually tune in, listen, and do something with the message. However, where this information is needed most is just where it is not ending up, the conservative "red" states. A vicious cycle? Perhaps. With any luck in their second or third round of marketing there will be enough funding to get the word in places it belongs. Keep your fingers crossed. Oh, and another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes after listening to Air America it can leave you a bit depressed and downtrodden after hearing all the jacked up stuff the right is doing. There is also the fact that any extreme can be just that, extreme. But it is a nice alternative fresh perspective compared to the droning FOX news or things of that nature. Check it out if you can.

20 years ago this very day...

20 years ago today my twin cousins Brandon and Lucas were born. Uncle David called early on a Saturday morning to tell us the news. Aunt Ruth was extremely excited and probably more relieved than anyone else due to the fact that Lucas weighed in at 10 pounds 1 ounce and Brandon at 7 pounds 9 ounces. These were the first Lohr babies to be brought into the world in quite some time and the news of their arrival spread like wildfire. Grandma Lohr was a woman of few words so when she spoke you knew it was important and you better listen. The word of her latest grandsons birth coupled with the fact that they were the first twins listed on the family tree put a huge beaming smile on her face while she stated "Twins--now that's something don'tchaknow! My sister Arlene doesn't have twin grandsons!". Where ever Grandma Lohr is now I'm sure she is looking down and very proud of amazing adults Brandon and Lucas have become.

I was particularity excited when the boys were born because of the financial ramifications which were in front of me in the form of babysitting! Being a freshman in high school it probably wasn't the coolest thing ever to still be making a buck with this profession but I fell in love with these two little bugs the second I held them in my arms. The opportunity to make some cold hard cash for my Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Madonna, or WHAM! records while taking care of the littles was a great idea and something I got to do very often. They taught me so much and I thank them for it.

Although Brandon and Lucas came from the same womb at approximately the same time, they are truly the most fraternal twins on the planet. Their personalities showed through immediately. Lucas dove right into everything. He was full steam ahead from the way he played to how dinner was consumed. Brandon on the other hand thought and analyzed it all, right down to the very last green bean being served for lunch. He was a planner and thinker. Both of them have continued on with these traits into adulthood and remain very fraternal twins.

I continued to babysit for Lucas, Brandon, and their younger brother Mitch until I moved away to college. They would visit LaCrosse to check up on my new digs with their parents from time to time. We would hang out on my holiday and summer breaks. The entire family visited San Francisco in 1998 when we got to tour around the city and shoot spit wads at buses. Over the years I have shared more giggles and life experiences with them than I can possibly list here. Thanks for cousins whom seem more like nephews! I'm very proud of them and cherish the fact that so much has been shared between us. Have a great birthday!

Return to singlehood-briefly

Yesterday was a flashback to what life was like as a single soul. Took the car in for an oil change, walked to the Metreon to catch The Incredibles, washed, vacuumed, and detailed the car, watched two episodes of Six Feet Under, made the decision to forego a shower, and finally headed to The Eagle Tavern to meet up with Bear-in-Training, Derek. Essentially I wandered through the day looking for things to fill my time and still get stuff accomplished. When paired up it seems this changes a bit. The goal of getting things accomplished is still there however finding things to fill my time is not. Is that because it's now planning for two and there are twice as many things to do? Are there that many more things to do as a couple? Does the fact that taking more time to get out of bed throw the whole thing off?

Both ways of living life are good. Never ever thought I would get to a place where I felt that way about being single nor did it appear that this could happen in couplehood due to the rollercoaster feeling of relationships. The seven months prior to meeting Miss B were a conscious effort to finally take a look inward and see what the hole in my core was when not in a relationship. Whew there was lots of stuff in there! Restlessness, discontent with myself, lack of spirituality, and the ability to take the focus off of my needs/faults/wants/areas of development and the skill of taking those things and making it all about someone else. How easy it is to avoid self improvement when so much more time could be spent attempting to fix and repair someone else. In those seven months for the first time I went inward and found ways to continually work on me. This involved yoga, bike riding, reading, living alone, leaving work at work and leaving work at 5pm every day no matter what, attempting to date and not relationship hunt to find my next LTR, sobering up, and hurling myself into a world somewhat more conscious and aware than I ever had before. The experiment has left me with a much more well prepared person for both a relationship and singlehood. It's going to take a lot of work to keep this the norm, to refrain from falling into old habits. Is this the kind of stuff you learn in your mid-thirties?

Aside from all of this, a woman did shamelessly hit on my last night at The Eagle Tavern. Her pick up line was "I was asking my friend where all the women were and here you are!". Mind you, she was not only three but four sheets to the wind, a good 10 years older, and essentially hitting on the only one of three women there. She offered up to take me to the Wildside West then dancing at a "new" monthly women's venue called Cream. (Which is essentially Club Q in disguise, same venue, same bridge and tunnel crew, and same DJ from what I read.) Sheepshily I declined, thanked her for the offer, and went back to being a wallflower amongst the bears, the place felt to be most comfortable and familiar. Even had I been single this would have not been viewed as an accomplishment. But hey, it did give BIT Derek and I something to giggle about.

Warning....Six Feet Under is as addictive as crack cocaine. I picked up the first disc to season two on Monday and since then have almost made my way through episode 5 of disc two. This is an added feature of finally purchasing a DVD player. The next rainy Saturday you encounter rent a boat load of them and enjoy the show. It's good stuff!

War and Sticky Paws for Sammy

The days are shorter, nights longer, and I'm feeling like a walking zombie. I'm with A, this funky funk has got me down. It may be post campaign syndrome. It might be due to the fact that Miss B is in Michigan visiting family and I can't talk to her whenever I want. Perhaps it's the arrival of the rain. It may in fact be that every day I awake to hear the man on the radio talking about the bombardment of Fallujah, the rising body count, as it becomes more clear every day that there is no end in sight. Whatever it is, I feel down, clown.

I have taken to watching The News Hour with Jim Lehrer. When did I become some sort of PBS freak? Since moving into this current apartment and refusing to pay for cable. (That is a WHOLE other story in and of itself however life without cable has turned out to be a gift!) The press conference with Tony Blair (never realized he was a carrot top and he is in fact rather goofy looking although being a redhead has nothing to do with it because as most of you know, I have a redhead problem!) and Monkey Bush was the focus discussing the opportunity to create peace in the middle east with the passing of Yassar Arafat. The most disturbing line of the evening from the Monkey was this after a very brief questioning period by reporters: "We will go in and show them what peace is. They can't develop it on their own. We clearly have to guide the way as they haven't been able to do it themselves.". This appears to be the typical attitude of this administration. To smack their ideas all over the place and abuse their power. Showing them the way may not be in the game for the US at the moment. It may in fact be a more fruitful venture to plan some peace in oh say, IRAQ for pete's sake. Instead, it's a better idea to stir up and serve yet another pot of Monkey Bush peace planning and make sure everyone plate is filled right on up with it regardless of how the host country feels. Pinky and The Brain march on. Where is this going to end?

On a lighter note, Sammy the cat is struggling with the most recent challenge placed upon him, Sticky Paws. This cat has a passion for scratching most everything he can get his mits on. Often times to get my attention if I have not spent enough time with him upon my arrival home, he even takes to utilizing my legs and bee-hind as a scratching post. The boy ain't right I tell ya! This is not such a popular idea with me because it's tearing up the furniture in no time flat. I do not have the heart to have him declawed. It just seems wrong and with my obsession with the orange guy, it's not an option. Sticky Paws are essentially strips of transparent super adhesive double sided tape. This is placed on all the "hot spots" for clawing, with the exception of my legs and ass. Thus far it hasn't worked out so well. The minute it was applied to the furniture he did not claw at it but did think it a good idea to chew it off the couch and attempt to eat it. Sammy does not put his paws on it, that is for certain. Now I merely have bite marks on my couch and kitchen chairs. Let's face it, Sammy wins.

Miss Becky is in Michigan visiting family for Veteran's Day. That is what everyone does, right? She's been gone since Wednesday night and this is the most time we have spent apart in a very long time. It feels really strange not to have her around. It's Friday night. She should be here by now giggling, having dinner, and hanging out for the weekend. I'm not going to fall over and die without her or anything but I most certainly do notice it's downright strange and simply stated, I miss her. Tomorrow we will celebrate our 5 month anniversary. Who would have thought playing badminton in Dolores Park could bring about such wonderfulness like Miss B!

The Swing

Friday night began with a trip to the Lesbington post acupuncture. Miss B met up with her teacher friends at happy hour and happy they did get. Apparently the Bloody Mary's pack a strong punch and by arrival, 3 teachers 3 sheets to the wind were found. Mistycans and Heather also decided to become lesbians for an hour or two and joined in the drinkfest 2004. Heather was even so bold as to ask her date to meet her amongst the lesbians, first date mind you. He did well and off to a corner they went to chat one another up. Mistycans even managed to get herself felt up by one of the three tipsy teachers. Near midnight I poured Miss B into my car and off we went. Nothing wrong with a friday happy hour with a designated driver to get the teacher people home.

Saturday morning we awoke and I couldn't help but feel impending doom. Miss B and I layed in bed talking about the events of the week and I finally bawled my eyes out. Tears were flowin' like a river and the comfort of flannel sheets and my special lady were the perfect combination for such an event. Miss B, in an attempt to calm my fears of oh say, the next fifty years reiterated a quote from one of her teachers Thursday. This particular educator is older and reminded her students that she saw a whole lot of turmoil and steps backwards in the 1950's. Out of this era grew the change which produced the polar opposite, the 1960's. What's happening now is just a cycle and it takes a swing to the right to bring things back to the left they sure had fun doing it! (her words) With any luck, the swing back to the left will be good times and just as powerful. I await the swing and will do small things every day to encourage a speedy arrival.

This daylights savings time thing has thrown me all off. My body begins stirring at 6am in anticipation of the alarm when in fact it thinks 7am has arrived. The total bummer is that this happens on the weekends as well, much to Miss B's chagrin. I lay there patiently waiting for her to stir, to give me a window of opportunity to sneakily wake her up. This just doesn't happen. The woman can sleep through anything. If there were an earthquake, attack on San Francisco soil, or any other natural disaster, Miss B wouldn't know--she sleeps that hard. To occupy my time while awaiting for her to rise and shine, I hang out with Sammy, read, and watch the sun come up. Works out well. With any luck my body will adjust to the new schedule and I will be able to power sleep along side Miss B. Until then I thank my lucky stars that I have found a woman as wonderful as she to share my bed with.

Monkey Bush Voodoo

There is a whole lot of consoling going on about the decision made on November 2, 2004. Many articles, blogs, NPR discussions, and conversations. It was the topic of the evening at yoga class Thursday. The depressed and ultra low morale is felt everywhere I go, everyone always asking the same questions while shaking their head stating "How did this happen?". This will be the question on everyone's mind over the next four years. Apparently I appeared so dismayed on Wednesday in a meeting that a co-worker whom I really don't know at all was inspired to bring me a GeeDubbayoo Voodoo Doll today in attempt to create some sense of comfort. A very nice gesture indeed. At my fingertips I now hold the ability to give Monkey Bush hemorrhoids, a cocaine relapse, learn english, legalize weed, and develop a conscience among other things. Off to work I go with pins in hand....if it were only that easy.

Off I go to acupuncture tonight. The bone spur really doesn't hurt anymore and I can't feel the big lumpy calcium deposit which used to be easily seen/felt. The rest of the weekend will be hunkering down and attempting to figure out how to make a difference from a single contributor level. I realize it doesn't have to be a massive take over nor explosion of power. It's figuring out what matters and starting with that, one step at a time. Thanks Bill.

Bleeding Liberals Unite

Does liberal really mean liberal right now? The Republican party has twisted this word around to make perhaps even the most moderately-moderate-slightly-conservative look to be a wild and nutty liberal. Some examples of what makes up a liberal here in 2004: accessible healthcare, funding top notch educational institutions K-12 and paying teachers a salary to match, an actual social security plan which looks beyond the next 5 years and not one which is essentially a redirected savings account, peace in the world favoring global unity, equal rights for all humans regardless of whom they take up with in bed, taking care of matters on the home soil--building from within rather than letting it crumble while trying to take over the world Pinky and the Brain style, conserving our natural resources and actually protecting the environment, promoting gun control as well as the right to bear arms, and respecting all people regardless of race or beliefs. Evidently I am a bleeding heart liberal who is so far left that the right isn't in sight, according to the handbook of the moral Republicans whom seem to believe that they are in fact G-O-D god and can judge anything and everyone.

In a post election speech on Wednesday, November 3rd Monkey Bush stated that he would govern all people fairly and reachout to the democrats due to the clear split within our country. (Of course ignoring the fact that his campaign was based on moral values, fear, and a war time economy which split the country in the first place.) This post campaign glow of happiness and "unity" lasted all but a day. Today in a press conference (he rarely faces up the press because they ask him hard questions...WHAAAAA!) the bastard spun a 180 and stated that he has the political power now and it's up to the democrats to come to his side and learn how to work with him. So much for reaching out. If I didn't know better, I would say this is starting to smell like a regime, not an administration of the United States government.

Worstly, the right has gone so far right that if the democrats are ever going to get a winner to the Whitehouse it means they are going to have to do exactly what Monkey Bush is demanding they do, move further to the right. This produces essentially two Republican parties, the painfully conservative and the conservative with the disappearing Democratic party. The two party system is on it's way out. There isn't time to attempt to breathe life into the third party, the Greens, at this time. If the Democrats don't get off their apathetic asses and figure out strategy and fervor, it's all going down the star spangled tubes before we know it. How in the heaven's name are we going to get out of this one? There is talk already of ponying up Hillary and the young Senator from Illinois. Nice pipe dream but that simply won't do. The world isn't ready for it and if anything Hillary would get her butt kicked all over the place with potentially an even poorer showing than the Political Skeletor.

The times they are a changin'. To a direction which takes us so many steps back it may be more appropriately termed leaps and bounds backwards. The Democrats need to pull their head out and do it now. If not...I don't even want to think about that. And why do I continually hear AC/DC singing Highway to Hell in the background?

4 More Years of Bush-shit

Today is a complete and utter travesty. The American public (or at least half of it) does not realize that the next 4 years essentially pave the next 20. We now have 4 more years with a man running the country who doesn't know anything about everything and won the country over because 51% of the people saw him as a "regular guy". As my friend Peggy pointed out, I'm not sure I want a regular guy in the Whitehouse. It's a hard job and far more difficult than someone like the Monkey to handle.

Went to bed last night knowing that when I awoke chances were greater that Monkey Bush would in fact have won the electoral college than the United States be cheering on a Presidential Elect Kerry. Perhaps it was the mistake of listening to the exit polls which were indicating it could go in Kerry's favor. Or the sheer hope that the American public would do something to swing the political pendulum closer to the middle as opposed to the far far right. However, the radio alarm went off and sure enough the first words heard was that things weren't looking good in Ohio and the outcome dismal for a young democrat. Thoughts of staying in the comfort of my warm bed with the flannel sheets pulled way up high over my head for an undetermined amount of time (perhaps the next 4 years!) seemed to be the most appealing option. Eventually I arose to face the day feeling beaten, disillusioned, and downright depressed. Who wouldn't be with what is in front of us now. With this ridiculous win, here is a list of things the citizens of the United States have to look forward to over the next 4 miserable years:

• Vietnam, oh wait, I mean Iraq, will continue to be the mess that it is with no plan for peace or resolution in sight. Troops will die. Veterans will return to a less than accepting United States where half the population didn't think they should be there in the first place. Hm...is it 1968 again? Am certain my cousin Luc will be sent to Iraq eventually as well.
• There will be work to be done on the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. A document as sacred as the constitution is now going to be graffitied by someone like Monkey Bush and marred in such a way that it will discriminate against a specific group of human beings. Do you think the "Fathers of our country" are tossing and turning in their graves?
• Monkey Bush has the opportunity to potentially appoint not only one but two Supreme Court Justices. These will be chosen on their ability to overturn Roe v. Wade and their savvy in upholding these "moral" issues which got the Monkey elected this time. Never has a woman's right to choose been more threatened than it is now.
• The United States will continue down the path of global isolation as opposed to unity. George W. Bush has essentially given the rest of the world the middle finger and isn't looking back. There will be no effort to go back to mend broken ties. Monkey Bush said in all three debates that he did nothing wrong in the first 4 years. Arrogance and idiotism. That's what can be looked forward to for the duration of this administration.
• Gridlock in both the House and the Senate. More Republicans won more seats back. There will be no effort to work towards bipartisan politics. The line in the sand was drawn four years ago when Monkey Bush decided to show just how conservative our country needs to be. Nothing will get done in Washington except a bunch of hootin' and hollerin' that the Democrats just aren't cooperating!

More appropriately named we have become the United States of the Republicans. I am having great difficulty in finding comfort and solace in much of anything which has to do with the events of the past 48 hours. What will be seen is watching the events unfold as Monkey Bush pushes himself further and further into dismay. He's got both feet on a banana peel going no where fast and with any luck people will be willing him out in droves soon enough. Thanks for the migrane and the four more years of Bush-shit.

A sad sad day in history it is.

Family Ties

While driving home from work I dialed my parents to make one last attempt at encouraging them to vote for Kerry, to reason with them, make it personal, to plead a case for equality, and simply ensure at least two less votes for Monkey Bush. It's clear now this was a bad idea and things should have been left to their own devices. For some odd reason there was a need to make it personal. If only they could see how and why it is important for them to hear the other side of the story, not of Monkey Bush. It failed miserably. Dad of course changed subjects the second it came up. There was much discussion about their new kitten, new puppy, the cows, weather, and even the grandkids. Every time the vote was brought up it was a new game of verbal tennis to lob something over to the crazy lesbian court and thow off the discussion. I gave up on dad in a hurry.

Moving onto mom was thought to be easier. She's got some democratic bones in her body. It's not that far of a stretch, she could do it if the facts were presented in the right way. Evidently this is where it all went wrong. The answer of the day as they saw it was that Kerry is far too liberal and he flipflops. (Her words exactly which in essence are that of one of the 5 sentences Monkey Bush has utilized throughout the campaign.) I then attempted to make it very personal in discussing the amendment to the constitution that Monkey Bush desires to pass, banning gay marriage. A vote for Bush is a direct vote against me and people like me whom have chosen the alternative lifestyle. Mom said she had never heard of such a thing, and how could this be true. My thoughts exactly (with a completely different and sarcastic view) but this shit is real and she's not having any of it. The parental units have completely bought into the moral majority, fear of everything, conservatively "r" us campaign of the Monkey Bush cronies. I'm really hoping that it isn't the votes of two dairy farmers in Wisconsin which keeps that drone in the Whitehouse.

What I do understand is that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Anyone can vote any way they choose, it's really all about making the vote you have count. So with that, get out and vote! I am truly disappointed in those whom do not see the Monkey Bush administration for what it is...lies upon lies upon lies upon lies. Mind you, politics is not the "cleanest" business on the planet but for crying out loud, anyone can see a crook, can't they? Apparently not.

I'm nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. But at the same time thinking positive thoughts of what I want to be real and true. What is that? Someone in the Whitehouse other than the Monkey. Let's hope the power of suggestion works this time...more to come tomorrow!