Should I stay or should I go now?

The past few months Miss B and I have been in the process of negotiating the purchase of 1/3 of the 3 flat apartment building of which we live currently. In San Francisco this is called a TIC, tenancy in common. Essentially you are taking out a hugemongous loan with other folks and paying on a house. As opposed to a condominium in which you are the sole owner and you can sell whenever you darn well please because it's all yours. We love this place. It's huge. Plenty of room for the both of us and three cats. Quiet neighborhood. Close walk to everything we could possibly need. Even a local lesbian bar with a great beer garden. And a while ago we both got a bug up our butt about how much we pay in rent every year when the same type of payment could be going into something like a house or other investment. So we approached our landlord and he said to make an offer. The negotiating is taking a long time as he is somewhat dragging his feet and I am starting to wonder if this isn't taking place this way for a reason. As much as purchasing this 1/3 sounds appealing and we be building equity and all that jazz, I'm starting to feel as though we would be completely tied to the bay area and stuck managing doughnuts for the rest of my days. It's a whole lot of money and feeling the pressure of making that kind of payment every month is freaking me out. And from what I have been told everyone feels that way blah blah blah but I don't know, this is a LOT of money. Feeling the way I do about the current employment situation isn't really making me feel as though being a "lifer" at the jelly doughnut factory is something desired at this point. Perhaps waiting a few more months to let the job settle out and see if it's just the routine of overwhelmedness with anything new which is causing me to feel this way is creating this feeling of flight may be a good idea. However, Miss B and I did have a long discussion last night of developing an exit plan should I really feel that this truly isn't for me. What really brings this on is every Friday afternoon the management team meets around "manager row" for beers to talk about the week and see who did the most work and who is the coolest manager of them all. I have yet to join them as I am way too busy attempting to get all the stuff done I need to so I don't have to do any work over the weekend which they all love to do. It drives me nuts. Perhaps choosing to be an outsider is bringing the feelings of disgust and disdain on however I truly do not want to be in the middle of that. Trading golf scores, who has the biggest dick, who really managed "up" this week. Um yeah, not for me. All I want to do on a Friday afternoon is finish up and get the hell out of there. No sitting around being social for me. That's what I have friends for. And a great lot of them I do have for which I am very fortunate. Anyway, back to the exit plan. There is a distinct possibility that we could end up somewhere else in three years time. I need to get through my next sabbatical for which I will be elidigible for July 21,2009. The plan is to travel to south america, mostly Peru. After that, it would be packing things up and moving to a place where life doesn't have to be tied to some corporate venture constantly in order to survive. I am ready to be in charge of produce at Whole Foods or manage a bookstore. I am sick of the cut throat world of the corporate monster feeling as though I'm selling out all the time. The city to which we would move? Portland of course. Who knows, maybe in three years we wouldn't be able to afford it anymore. It's hard to say. However, it's got to be more manageable than San Francisco. Miss B and I are planning on taking a jaunt up there rather soon to see if we can in fact trade in what we have here for a bit of a more simple life yet not compromising the fact that we could actually be gay there. Hm. Something to think about. Oh, yesterday I celebrated my 9 year anniversary at the jelly doughnut factory and am on my way into year 10. Hard to believe. Yes indeed. In the upcoming years it will be time to make the decision of should I stay or should I go?

As for this weekend, this afternoon we are headed to Mango, a monthly dance party at El Rio. Love this place! The music is always good, the drinks tasty, and seeing Miss B dance, well that is poetry in motion. We do struggle a bit with salsa dancing as neither one wants to give up the lead. She says I can lead but then just can't let it go. Perhaps I should just let her do it and see how it goes. That's what happens when a Capricorn and Taurus wind up together on the dance floor! Miss A and a few other folks are headed with us so it should be lots of fun on a hot hot hot summer day. It has been unseasonably hot for the bay area the past two weeks. And it feels good. Usually July is gross, cloudy, and cold but not this time. It's beautiful. With any luck we will be able to get out and enjoy some of this on Sunday as well. It's been difficult as Miss B has been working like a crazy fool this summer and I am so pre-occupied with work that it just simply doesn't make for the most relaxing summer. And there is no time like the present to relax.

I should get a move on. I am checking in classes again at the studio and also need to take my bike in for a little work. New tires were put on last week and since then my speedometer and odometer haven't worked. Lord knows I can't figure it out so it's time to take it back to the experts. The new tires are phenomenal! They were a gift from Miss B for Christmas (yes, it really did take that long to get them put on!) and talk about slick. They are commuter tires so very different from the off road ones which were on there previously. I like them.