Letting it go

Tonight's yoga lesson was about seeing how we fit into the larger picture. How it is that an individual being draws itself on the canvas of life. What sort of strings keep us involved in the great big world which surrounds us? How can one influence so much? What keeps us disconnected, as though we cannot change what we do not like through the power of one.

This got me to think about how sometimes I simply cannot let things go. Would be easy to say it comes from my dad's side of the family and I was born with it. Perhaps. But is getting so embossed in the detail of what we truly cannot control nor change something that is genetic? Probably not. More than likely it's a learned behavior via lots of willingness and self actualization I may actually be able to overcome. In thinking through this over the 2 hours spent in class discussing this lesson I kept visioning myself as a child hanging onto a helium filled balloon on a string. Clutching onto this thing for dear life, no way it was going to escape and slip away from me. Holding onto it with such a strong grip because I didn't know what would happen should I let go. Wanting to control the balloon, it's proximity to me, how much I could let it stray, if at all. Walking outside thinking it's tightly attached however much to my dismay, picturing the flight of the balloon upward with string trailing behind it side to side as if it were waving it's last goodbye as it trails into the great unknown. With a fear struck look on my face not knowing which way to turn, thinking now that I have lost control there will never be another helium balloon on a string in my life again. Holding onto things which I cannot control nor change is me with that balloon. A tightly reigned in situation used to be the only way I knew how to live and it was preventing me from seeing the bigger picture and how to fit into it. When all that is in the line of vision is what is right in front of you or contraints from the past, it's harder to see where to go or how it is possible to make unfavorable life situations better, one balloon at a time. If I let my hypothetical helium filled balloons go, one at a time, the returns may be many and not within my control to receive, but they will be there. The bigger picture may more clearly be seen.

The Excursion has been towed away. Came home from work today and it was gone. What was discovered on my way to yoga was my bike has a flat front tire. Have been riding it every Thursday night to class as finding parking in the Mission at 6pm is next to impossible. Dang thing was flat as a pancake. I missed dodging cars on Mission and Valencia street. The trek up the monstrosity of a hill to get back to the apartment. Using the cool red flashy thing on the back of my bike and backpack. Looking all safety oriented in my bike helmet. Yes, I have been wearing my helmet for the past 4 months. Lost a debate so have but no choice to wear it now. Anyone know how to fix a flat? (Aside from the obvious put air in it.)

Disturbing heavy metal concert. What's up with opening fire on the Pantera guy and crowd? That shit ain't right. That guy clearly had a collection of balloons to let go. Then again, who doesn't?