Should I stay or should I go now?

The past few months Miss B and I have been in the process of negotiating the purchase of 1/3 of the 3 flat apartment building of which we live currently. In San Francisco this is called a TIC, tenancy in common. Essentially you are taking out a hugemongous loan with other folks and paying on a house. As opposed to a condominium in which you are the sole owner and you can sell whenever you darn well please because it's all yours. We love this place. It's huge. Plenty of room for the both of us and three cats. Quiet neighborhood. Close walk to everything we could possibly need. Even a local lesbian bar with a great beer garden. And a while ago we both got a bug up our butt about how much we pay in rent every year when the same type of payment could be going into something like a house or other investment. So we approached our landlord and he said to make an offer. The negotiating is taking a long time as he is somewhat dragging his feet and I am starting to wonder if this isn't taking place this way for a reason. As much as purchasing this 1/3 sounds appealing and we be building equity and all that jazz, I'm starting to feel as though we would be completely tied to the bay area and stuck managing doughnuts for the rest of my days. It's a whole lot of money and feeling the pressure of making that kind of payment every month is freaking me out. And from what I have been told everyone feels that way blah blah blah but I don't know, this is a LOT of money. Feeling the way I do about the current employment situation isn't really making me feel as though being a "lifer" at the jelly doughnut factory is something desired at this point. Perhaps waiting a few more months to let the job settle out and see if it's just the routine of overwhelmedness with anything new which is causing me to feel this way is creating this feeling of flight may be a good idea. However, Miss B and I did have a long discussion last night of developing an exit plan should I really feel that this truly isn't for me. What really brings this on is every Friday afternoon the management team meets around "manager row" for beers to talk about the week and see who did the most work and who is the coolest manager of them all. I have yet to join them as I am way too busy attempting to get all the stuff done I need to so I don't have to do any work over the weekend which they all love to do. It drives me nuts. Perhaps choosing to be an outsider is bringing the feelings of disgust and disdain on however I truly do not want to be in the middle of that. Trading golf scores, who has the biggest dick, who really managed "up" this week. Um yeah, not for me. All I want to do on a Friday afternoon is finish up and get the hell out of there. No sitting around being social for me. That's what I have friends for. And a great lot of them I do have for which I am very fortunate. Anyway, back to the exit plan. There is a distinct possibility that we could end up somewhere else in three years time. I need to get through my next sabbatical for which I will be elidigible for July 21,2009. The plan is to travel to south america, mostly Peru. After that, it would be packing things up and moving to a place where life doesn't have to be tied to some corporate venture constantly in order to survive. I am ready to be in charge of produce at Whole Foods or manage a bookstore. I am sick of the cut throat world of the corporate monster feeling as though I'm selling out all the time. The city to which we would move? Portland of course. Who knows, maybe in three years we wouldn't be able to afford it anymore. It's hard to say. However, it's got to be more manageable than San Francisco. Miss B and I are planning on taking a jaunt up there rather soon to see if we can in fact trade in what we have here for a bit of a more simple life yet not compromising the fact that we could actually be gay there. Hm. Something to think about. Oh, yesterday I celebrated my 9 year anniversary at the jelly doughnut factory and am on my way into year 10. Hard to believe. Yes indeed. In the upcoming years it will be time to make the decision of should I stay or should I go?

As for this weekend, this afternoon we are headed to Mango, a monthly dance party at El Rio. Love this place! The music is always good, the drinks tasty, and seeing Miss B dance, well that is poetry in motion. We do struggle a bit with salsa dancing as neither one wants to give up the lead. She says I can lead but then just can't let it go. Perhaps I should just let her do it and see how it goes. That's what happens when a Capricorn and Taurus wind up together on the dance floor! Miss A and a few other folks are headed with us so it should be lots of fun on a hot hot hot summer day. It has been unseasonably hot for the bay area the past two weeks. And it feels good. Usually July is gross, cloudy, and cold but not this time. It's beautiful. With any luck we will be able to get out and enjoy some of this on Sunday as well. It's been difficult as Miss B has been working like a crazy fool this summer and I am so pre-occupied with work that it just simply doesn't make for the most relaxing summer. And there is no time like the present to relax.

I should get a move on. I am checking in classes again at the studio and also need to take my bike in for a little work. New tires were put on last week and since then my speedometer and odometer haven't worked. Lord knows I can't figure it out so it's time to take it back to the experts. The new tires are phenomenal! They were a gift from Miss B for Christmas (yes, it really did take that long to get them put on!) and talk about slick. They are commuter tires so very different from the off road ones which were on there previously. I like them.

Serene Saturday Morning

I'm the fill in for Miss B at the yoga studio today. She usually checks folks in at the door and instead it's me. After a few minutes of struggling with the software, all was good and I eventually got it all straightened out but do think I ended up accidentally giving a guy a free class. Whoopsy. The office manager has assured me she can fix anything which goes wrong so I will keep the faith that she can hold up to her promise. The true test will come at the 11am class where loads of folks come to see the "Cher" of yoga, Katchie. An incredibly amazing woman with a seductive story to tell every time. Just like Cher. Without the glitter. But plenty of gays following her around. True story.

Road bike to yoga class this morning. Usually I meander around the kitchen, doing a little work, read the news on the internets, drink coffee and then eventually make it to class. But on my bike at 8:15 am is usually not something I routinely do on a Saturday and you all know how I like the routine. There is no one out and about in the Mission that early. I had the road to myself and made it here in minutes flat. There weren't even any buses to contend with, just a few little old ladies on their way to Safeway to get the deals that came out in the new flyer in yesterday's paper. Amazingly quiet and serene. Such a refreshing way to start the day compared to what it's like during the week. Mind you no one is out when I leave the house at such ungodly hours these days but it's a different feel for me, being rushed all the time. Guess that is why it's good from time to time to break from the routine to see the nuances which can be presented when attempting something as simple as this at a different time of day.

Let's talk politics for a minute, shall we? Pointedly, Monkeybush. Last week there was all the hullabaloo regarding missile launches in North Korea. Don't get me wrong. Should the world be concerned? YES. Should we be sending in someone like the Monkey to negotiate and discuss matters? NO. Favorite quote of the week was when he was interviewed and stated "Well I am looking for diplomacy and to negotiate this situation in a very diplomatic manner. It's what America stands for, diplomacy." Once again using words that could have very well been on his "word of the day calendar" and he merely got lucky that day seeing as it was a word which actually fit the situation in front of him. Other words found on his calendar this year....well let's see....he's used "terrorist" frequently. "Freedom" must have been one! And let's not forget his love of the word "evil". I'm thinking that wasn't only a word of the day but a word of the month which requires extra depth and understanding which translates to Daddy Bush sitting him on his knee reviewing the phonetics and Greek roots and so on. Let's not forget Junior really can't read either. So I guess Mamma Barbara or his trophy wife Laura have to read to him over breakfast before his daily bike ride. Anyway, after one day of negotiation with North Korea and Iran, his response and report out to the press was that "I am frustrated with diplomacy.". Well now that didn't take long, did it? It could very well be that he also struggles with ADD and simply couldn't pay attention during "negotiations" as he cares to term it. How many more years do we have to put up with this village idiot? Oh, I did see a fantastic bumper sticker the other day as well. There were the initials WTF and a picture of the Monkey right next to it. It's clear as to why his approval rating is a whopping 32%. And becoming even more clear all the time.

Onto happier things. Last night Miss B and I went out for fancy sushi. I'm not a huge fan of it. Will agree to a meal here and there however Miss B could eat it at least once a week. So I thought to compromise and take her out for the good stuff. Went to a place over in Noe Valley (well on the cusp of Glen Park but guess it could very well be considered Noe) called Deep Sushi. It was so good! This one we got called the UFO even got seared right at the table for us and I had never tasted anything so fresh. We have been there before and enjoy it every time. Also got a warm container of sake and it was super yum. To walk it off when we were done a trip to Mitchell's Ice Cream was in order and I got the most decadent Rocky Road waffle cone dipped in chocolate. Mind you I could only eat half of it but it sure was good! Mitchell's is always a special place for us to go as on our first outing (post badminton in the park and a trip to the Lexington) we ended up there sharing a rocky road cone and flirting our pants off. Well actually our pants stayed on for several dates but eventually did come off, thank goodness. I Mitchell's. Good stuff!

Will be going to the east bay today for a little while and then back into the city for a dinner with Hot Bottom Rob and his special man friend in their new pad in SOMA. Looking forward to it. They are always so much fun and we also get to hang out with A and her special lady. Picked up this "Green Trout" wine which looks pretty good to share. Should be fun. Am doing my best to make sure that I do not think about work this weekend unless I have to do so. And they will call me if I do. I can tell you right now there is no way I can be a Jelly Doughnut Manager for more than two years. I simply can't take it. It's too much pressure and not much fun. And who likes that? Not me.

Deal with the Devil

Somewhere in my recent life I must have sold my soul to the devil in the form of the jelly doughnut factory. This place has been consuming my life and I hate it. I was not made to work like this and there really are no hopes of this ever getting better. I dream about it. Wake up with knots in my stomach knowing I have to be here and the crap which must be dealt with upon arrival. This has to get easier. Someday, somehow. The one thing that's looking good right now: THE ONE WEEK HIATUS IN P-TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will write more when I can.