I Have an Ass Grabbing Problem

Miss B and I have been dating for a year and some change. (5 months to be exact) Since meeting her I have truly developed an ass grabbing problem. It's more than likely because it's something I do routinely 15 times per day. Come on, she's got a great ass! So pinchable and cute. It's a natural reaction to be walking around Trader Joe's and reach over just to slap her bum. I'm sure in several feminist circles this would not be acceptable nor appreciated however she's gotten so used to it that things such as this don't phase her. Not one bit. In fact, she's developed the same problem. Placing things into the dishwasher and the next thing I know, whap, a slap on the ass. Cooking dinner on the stove always warrants a grab. You get the picture.

Just this weekend it was made apparent just how addicted to the ass grab I have become. Misty and Ted were getting ready to leave the brunch we hosted the other day and bagel Ted thought to snap a picture. So I put my arm around Misty to pose and wouldn't you know, my hand ended up on her butt. And then it happened, the grab. In a very calm manner while posing for the snap Misty didn't miss a beat stating "You realize you are grabbing my ass, right?" to which I shuddered in horror at the thought and then found my hand on the cheek of one of my best friends. It's just wrong. W-R-O-N-G wrong! The kicker was when Heather who was also in the picture said "I don't know why I'm blushing about this!". Great. It's official, I have grabbed Misty's ass and feel ashamed. Lucky, but ashamed.

The brunch went off without a hitch. We roped in quite the crowd as well. The quiches were a hit and of course Miss B's kuchen was the best thing ever. There was so much leftover champagne that another brunch is in order to finish it off. It was suggested that we host a potluck Superbowl party where items to be prepared would come from various church cookbooks. This all started when folks spied the one from St. John's Lutheran Church in Prairie du Sac Wisconsin a while back at Fresh Jesus Five. Casseroles for all! With a mimosa on the side. Looking forward to seeing you at the next brunch. And I promise not to grab your ass. Unless you want me to of course!

Everyone Needs an Emergency Contact

The title doesn't really match the picture now does it? Perhaps I should have had my emergency contact review the Halloween outfit chosen for this year prior to wearing it. Truth be told, I was in the process of going through previous costumes and put on the Moses beard. Miss B thought it would be great if I dressed up as Jerry Garcia rather than something biblical. What you see is the end product of that conversation. It did earn second place at the party attended, who knew that Jerry would be so appealing and a prize winner. Well, the prize was their admiration but still, it won, second only to Adriana who went as Pedro, and what a great costume that was! Miss B settled on an outfit she can recycle for years to come--an astronaut. The bad joke of the day turned out to be the woman school teacher on the space shuttle voyage where it exploded. Then I guess she would be a zombie astronaut, or something like that.

Two weeks ago on my way out of work I received a crucial phone call. Zipping along the 101 headed home for an evening with Miss B to watch the L word, or so I thought. The caller ID showed my pal A ringing in on the line. A couple of months ago she asked if I would be her emergency contact. Of course I said yes, that it would be an honor, and would keep her information handy should some sort of unforeseen event come up. And sure enough, it did. When A calls my phone, it comes up "Private Caller" which always lands her the same response, me picking up singing Tina Turner's "Private Dancer" with the words private caller in place of dancer. This cracks her up. Every single time. However, this time it was different. No giggles on the other end of the phone. Just some lady telling me that she had been in an accident, that she was ok, but I should head to meet her at SF General at the trauma center. Mind blowing freakishness. Off to the hospital and shocking it was.

In the waiting room, surrounded by crackheads (literally), crazed up peeps, ripe smelling street people, and whatever else you can imagine, I sat fretting about my friend and what condition she may be in and if she was going to be ok. Eventually the social worker came out and stated that Adriana would be out in a few minutes. This changed my entire perspective, thinking "Oh, she will be out here with me in a few minutes, must not be too bad.". What actually happened was a different story. After about a half hour they brought me to her wherein x-rays were being taken, her neck in a brace, and it didn't look so good. It got more and more interesting as the evening went on and I saw things that I never thought could possibly happen. I'm just glad I could be there with her to help in any way possible. The past weekend was spent in a flurry of hospital visits, phone calls, and becoming a general cheering section for a friend in need.

Miss A is home from the hospital and recovering nicely. She suffered two broken arms, some bruising, and a few other complications. If you don't have an emergency contact, GET ONE! You never know when you might need it.

Life After Caffeine

I really didn't think there would be such a thing ever in my lifetime. As long as can be remembered in adulthood, the extra boost of coffee in the morning FULL CAFFEINE has always been present. If it wasn't consumed by 9am, it set off a headache for the rest of the day until treated with either a double shot esspresso or advil. It's hard to get used to life without it. The cleanse is officially over and I am proud to report that I made it through the seven days with no sugar, dairy, or caffeine. It was difficult up until the day that it was okay to add protein back into meals. It's pretty much how we eat at regularly sans dairy, breads, and sugar. Well, I'm back to eating sugar (just in time to devour some post Halloween treats!) and dairy which is good news. Oh how cheese and a sweet or two was missed! But that is the whole point of the cleanse I suppose. What I have continued to keep out of my world is the jump start from the ever powerful caffeine. It's nice to have that monkey off my back and know that it's not required to start the day without too much pain. Mind you, I'm still not Miss Cheerio in the morning but I don't have to wait for the coffee to kick in to feel human. Could be helping with better sleep at night too. There is still one thing to overcome--decaf doesn't taste like the real thing. I'm hoping to get used to it over time but there's just something missing. Well, obviously, the caffeine! The taste is lacking a bit and I can't quite place my finger on it. It's still a joy to stop by Cafe Commons for a double shot latte every morning, now it's just a bit less on the octane side of things. I did notice on Saturday when I was super sleepy around noon that caffeine was missing as there was no gas left in the tank. In the past it was easy to press onward because the old pal triple shot was at my side whenever needed. This is going to take some getting used to, that is for sure!

The first meal Miss B and I shared together to break the cleanse was dinner at La Corneta. We went for burritos and my god they were the best thing ever! We split a super baby veggie and that was enough to eat without feeling gross or like there was a ballon in my belly. Since then there have been several meals prepared which utilize the foods avoided during the cleanse however it seems that I am a bit more conscious of them and don't eat quite as much which was the whole point. Miss B and I have also been having breakfast together in the morning before she leaves for work. It is nice to actually see the food we are eating and take time to think about it rather than inhale it while driving or shoving it down my throat before my first meeting in the morning. Oh, and believe it or not, the bagel and cream cheese habit every day has been broken as well. Now it's an english muffin with PB&J for me and hash browns for Miss B. Not bad eh?